


Moments to Live For

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Loss of Virginity, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 01:49:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4244940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time was awkward. Exploratory groping and then your over eager dick going off like a gun before the race had even started.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moments to Live For

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me if you find any mistakes.

The first time was awkward. Exploratory groping and then your over eager dick going off like a gun before the race had even started. You had scrambled away embarrassed, ashamed. Rose only smirked, and commented on building stamina with practice. You laid on your bed, mouth agape and she straightened herself up and left. Flighty Broad.

× × × × × ×

The second time, well not really, but the second time you got farther than kissing was in the living room. You were tangled together on the couch. Rose's skirt had been pushed up to her hips and you were stretched out above her. Her black lipstick was barely evident on her pouty lips, instead it was smeared on your neck and clothes. Rose gave you a smug look before grabbing your hand and pushing it between her legs. The slick that met your fingertips almost had you creaming your pants. Instead you grind your teeth and moan. You rut up against Rose's soft thigh like a dog inheat and hear her soft gasp as your fingers twitch over her folds. She's scratchy and unshaven but you don't really give a fuck because she's hot and actually letting you touch her. Her hands tangle in your hair to bring your mouths together at the same time you actually press a digit into her.

Rose gasps, louder than before, and you push deeper inside of her. Its warm and wet around your finger and you have to grab the base of your dick to stave off your orgasm. Her hands are gripping your hair too tight and it hurts, but you don't notice anything except how she clamps down when you add another finger. You slowly start to move them, not too fast or hard, you're still nervous. She pulls away from your mouth and gasps out, "Clit. Touch my clit."

You hesitate and try to press your thumb against the nub, only to be directed to the correct spot. But when you finally get there its worth it to see Rose, calm, collected, snarky Rose fall apart. Her face is flushed and she's grasping harshly at your back, her nails digging in through your shirt. You keep rubbing your thumb over the little bundle of nerves and slowly build up the speed and force of which you move your fingers. You're lost in the warmth and wet feeling around your fingers, there's a wet sloppy sound each time you slide back in. Slowing down you drag your fingers against her upper wall and curl them. Rose moans, the sound sends shivers up your spine. She's so hot, oh fuck, the way shes tightening around your fingers makes you slow your pace. Its a maddening slow rhythm, but has Rose arching and writhing with each twist of your fingers.

Rose freezes suddenly her cunt gripping your fingers like they're a life line. She cries out and you see the tension drain from her body and she pants heavily. Carefully you pull your fingers out of her, and fumble for the zipper of your jeans. You manage to get them open, shoved down to your thighs along with your boxers.It only takes you about three clumsy strokes to come, and splatter your shirt and Rose's skirt. Rose is breathing normally again and she's lost the glaze over her eyes. But her only complaint when you collapse on top of her is, "Get tissues before this stains my skirt." So you push yourself up, and go retrieve the baby wipes that are conveniently kept in your bedside table for your own personal excursions. Rose is more put together when you get back . She's got her skirt pulled back into place, and grabs the wipes before you can even offer them to her.

You fall onto the cushion beside her, still trying to catch your breath. She's poised again. She's back to her regular self, you feel a dangerous jump in your chest just from looking at her. She's so beautiful and graceful even just sitting down. When Rose sees you watching she just smirks and gets up. You watch her walk out of the room and you get a sinking feeling, so many feelings you might drown in them, you get a feeling you're nothing more than a form of entertainment. With a sigh you collapse across the entire couch.

× × × × × ×

The third time happens before you start your junior year of highschool. Rose had disappeared all summer, jumping from camp to camp, and visited some girl in the jungle. But she came back a week before classes. She hadn't even afforded you a passing glance, and at dinners she remained silent instead of taunting you on deplorable eating habits. The night before school she slid into your bed, pressing her soft body against yours, whispering in your ear. You ignored her, the hurt and loneliness from the months before settling in your chest. Her lips found your neck, and your cock twitched as she bit and sucked the skin too soft to leave a real mark. You stifled a groan as her hand slid down from your stomach to just above your dick. Her fingers curling, and then spreading out again. Rose's hand carefully works it's way under your boxers, pushing past the elastic. Your whole body shaking, blood rushing in your ears, lungs aching from holding your breath in anticipation. You felt like you were always waiting on her. The noise you made when her hand closes around you was more embarrassing than you'd like to admit. Her hand moves, twisting ever so slightly on the upstroke and your mouth opens, "Rose, _fuck_."

You look at her. Her eyes are bright and glowing, even in the dead of night you wish you had shades. The way Rose looks at you makes you feel small and stupid, like a lesser being unworthy of her attention.

When you come its with her name on your lips. It falls from them and dies with the way she recoils from you. She holds her hand, dirty and sticky like its diseased. Without any fumbling, Rose never fucking does anything without grace, she grabs a tissue from your bedside table. You manage to lean up even with everything heavy and languid. You snag one for yourself, awkwardly attempting to clean your dick. You fail miserably. You tossed the soiled tissue away and look back to her. She's still here and that in itself is a miracle. Rose never stays; she's always gone just when you think you're close to catching up.

You want to kiss her. You want to feel the softness of her skin under your fingertips. Instead you sit there, dejected and nervous. She's not looking at you, her gaze on the room and your minimal decoration. The air feels different. Rose seems so foreign to you; you were never foolish enough to believe you knew all of her, but you imagined you knew something. She's still Rose, blonde hair cut into a bob, but unadorned with the usual headband. She's make-upless, but the shadows of eyeliner still seem to rim her eyes. Rose finally looks at you. It makes you shift away, and attempt to cover yourself despite the blanket and pajamas. You can practically feel a weight lift when she looks away.

The blanket lifts, and is thrown to the side, hitting your legs. You want to say something. The words to ask, to bargain, to beg, to plead get stuck in your throat. She's out of your bed and it's like a rubber band snapping you back to reality. You move just a bit on the island that makes your bed. Rose's so far away, she's at your door with a hand hovering over the handle. She looks back at you and all the things you want to say fall away. "Goodnight, Dave."

Then she's gone. The door clicks softly and you sag down into the mattress. You wished you asked her to stay, _you wish, you wish, you wish._ So many mistakes, over such small instances

× × × × × ×

The fourth and last time that really matters, that's such aall of them matter. But the fourth time is how you lose your virginity. It's the night before graduation. All of your friends went to drink and celebrate, you hung out for awhile too. As the evening went on you found yourself feeling that emptiness; the cold nothing and that glass wall between you and the world once again erected. Then you made a few excuses, "Bro will kick my sorry ass if I'm not home" and "I don't wanna look fucked up tomorrow from no sleep, you assholes." Still you ended up driving home, the silence of the car jarring after the loud bass and chatter of the party.

You walk into your room expecting nothing except the plastic bag with your graduation gown, and the godforsaken cap. Instead you find Rose. She's in your bed and that alone makes your entire body throb. She's laying on her side facing away from you and you don't know if you want her to be asleep or wake. You pad softly over, and click your desk light on. It's pointed down so you're not blinded by the sudden change. You move to your bed, standing at the edge feeling like you should be doing something. Rose flips onto her back after a while disproving your hope that maybe she was asleep. She looks at you like she does, like there's a whole other world that is right in front of you and you're missing it.

"C'mere." She says. And you go. A knee on the mattress leaning towards her as her hand slides against your jaw. For once you don't have to wait because immediately she kisses you. She keeps kissing you. Kisses you until her bra is dropped off the side of your bed and you're only in socks and boxers.

All you can taste, smell, feel is Rose and you want more, so much more. Everything was just a mix of lipstick and bitemarks, and her hands on you. There's all these little touches and sounds overlapping, the situation a hazey blur. It was like those old Polaroids where the light seems other worldly in mudane way, not that Rose could ever be mudane.

The last of her clothing was slipped off and you toed off your socks before nervously taking off your underwear. That was the worst part then, having her eyes on all of you at once. She'd seen your dick before, held it in her hand, even gave you a blowjob once or twice but now was different. There was something more maybe it was because the intent was for something greater or maybe it was just you being lame. Rose looked at you again, your shades gone and it was the only time in your existence that you'd seen her look at you, at anyone like that.

     That time it was you who kissed her. You both rolled until she was under you, you reached in to the drawer next to your bed. There was a box of condoms there you'd received ironically from Bro because of your seeming lack of partners. Now though it was wonderfully convenient. It was hard to roll on, and it felt kind of tight, but it also made it real. This was happening you were losing your virginity. To Rose.

You almost start to panic everything seems too big, too fast. You're graduating highschool tomorrow, Rose's hand on your cheek is what grounds you. Her legs spread and bent at the knee and you settle easily between them. You nuzzle the crook of her neck and she grabs your face.

"C'mon Dave, fuck me already."

It's callous and you almost shrink away. Instead, you pull back and grab your cock, trying to position yourself so its easy to just slide in. You're fumbling despite yourself though. In the end it's Rose who takes control, wrapping her legs around your hips, and arching her back until you're inside her. It's really a credit to your years of training and self control that keep you from coming then and there, barely halfway buried inside the girl of your dreams.

But you make it to the point where your hips are pressed together and you've bitten through your lip. Rose seems almost bored and that makes you try harder to please, your hips jolting softly. Rose makes a quiet gasp and you move again, this time pulling halfway out before sinking slowly back into the warmth of her cunt. You roll your hips trying to find that place that got her going every time she let you touch her before.

You get an awkward rhythm started, you refuse to be like one of those losers who lasts point five seconds their first time. Rose helps, her arms around you pulling you into slow kisses and her legs helping to pull you deeper. You never get to a rough pace of grunts and she doesn't moan out at every twitch, it's not like porn, its slow and strong and you aren't sure if you're doing anything right but Rose isn't complaining.

It still feels like too soon, like everything is going to fast and Rose looks so goddamn beautiful even with her hair clinging to her face and her skin shining with sweat. All of her is perfect. When you come you're buried as far as you can get inside her, and you can only remember her name and God's, and you call both of them out like your life depends on it. You slump on top of her before moving to the side and that's when it hits you, Rose hasn't come and you stumble over yourself, cursing. The smirk she gives you changes to a moan as you latch your mouth onto her clit. After months of getting to explore her, getting to have her every way possible as often as she allowed, you know exactly how to get her off.

It takes you a few minutes at most before her hands are pulling at your hair and she's cursing enough to shame a sailor. But then Rose is tensing, and arching and she lets out this watery groan and relaxes, your mouth covered in her slick. You regret not taking the condom off sooner because its like someone put wet glue on your dick, covered it, and now its drying. You just know it'll be a bitch to get off. You sit back on your haunches, and Rose sighs. It's that sigh you could never figure out the meaning of.

     Then she stretches out and grabs your sheets; a wave of disappointment crashes over you as she covers herself and sits up. She grabs her clothes, and you look at her confused. Why she is leaving? This wasn't just a normal fling this was how you lost your virginity, why doesn't that make a fucking difference? You want to scream and yell and cry, but instead you sit stunned. "Rose.. What- why- Rose"

She pauses and looks over her shoulder at you, her stare is empty and cold. You wonder where all the light went. "Grow up Dave, we can't all just lay around and run away from the world, there's no reason to cuddle this was just sex and I have other things to do."

That's what gets you. You stop, and just let yourself lean against the wall. You watch her move through your room, collecting her things and getting back to being Rose Lalonde, Flighty Broad and Psychologist to be. She stops by your bed fully dressed and you're barely covered by the comforter.

   Your eyes are trained on her as she approaches. You want to just melt into a puddle at the way she walks. Her eyes find yours, but now you can't really see anything in them except for that excruciating purple. She kisses you. And you can practically hear the farewell, so you try to memorize their shape and try to burn her smell into your nose. She pulls back, and you wish she had lipstick on so you would be able to see the black on your lips. Rose doesn't say anything else and you don't either. Then she's gone and you feel like your chest left with her.

You go to graduation the next day, barely able to breathe and you know that if you're shades were gone everyone would be able to see your pain. You hear Bro holler as you accept the faux diploma, and your lips twitch as he blabbers on and calls you his little girl. Rose wasn't at breakfast that morning, and she wasn't at the ceremony. Her mom only rolled her eyes at the news and muttered about teenage rebellion. When the ceremony ends Mom, or Roxy as you call her is pissed. She's on the phone and her foot is tapping harshly on the concrete, you strain your ears and hear, 'ung lady how dare you miss this, it was your gradu-'

You stop listening. You think about texting her but decide not to make yourself look even more like an idiot. You go out for a celebratory lunch with Bro, and he's actually dressed up in a suit. He takes you to MickyD's but you still appreciate it. He practically forces you to go to the party that the preps are throwing in celebration. It's one party that everyone in the class was invited to.

It's about nine o'clock when you get the call. You left the prep party, and just went walking through the neighborhood. It's Bro and he's the most serious you've ever heard him. His voice is solemn and hushed as he tells you, "Rose is dead."

You almost drop the phone. "What?No that's not true why would you say that! How dare you- _No No No_!"

"Dave!"

You go completely silent.

"Dave, li'l man it's true, it looks like she was speeding earlier on one of the back roads and crashed they think she was drunk from last night. "

Oh god. Oh god. Your knees give a little and your breathing is ragged, you don't know you're crying until you taste the tears that slide down onto your mouth. Fuck, your chest feels like its going to fall apart .

You end the call in the middle of whatever Bro is saying. You feel like you're going to throw up. She's dead and she took every piece of you with her. Every single goddamn piece. You kneel on the sidewalk and cry. Its ugly crying and snot is everywhere, you are hiccuping and curling in on yourself. You're there another hour before Bro comes. You don't know how he found you or even knew where to look but you can't even focus on that. He has to carry you to the truck, a rusty orange thing that barely drives, and places you in the passenger seat, buckling you up and everything.

When he gets in he starts the car; not a word is said the whole drive even though you're still blubbering like a preteen girl. When you pull up to the house, the house you moved into when you were thirteen and Bro settled down with Roxy, Bro stops the car and opens his mouth.

   "Kid, I don't know what exactly was going on with you two, and I won't ask but if you need to talk, unironically and shit, I'm here."

He leaves then and you're left alone again. Now all you do is stare blankly out the windshield. You get up and go inside the house, passing a sobbing Roxy and Bro who's got an arm around her in comfort. Comforting her like he never did for you. You walk up the stairs to your room and fall into bed.

You stay in bed for a week, only eating because Bro basically shoves food down you. The curtains in your room haven't been opened since that day and the light is only on when someone else comes in. You don't remember saying anything and your throat feels hoarse. Bro comes in again and you pretend to be asleep.

Another couple days is the funeral. There's no wake and even though Rose hated religion there's a last rites before they settle the shiny black coffin into the dirt. You don't believe it, not really. You don't believe the girl who made you so confused and content and shook the whole world could be put in a box and left in the ground to rot. It doesn't feel right. There's not a lot of people there, neither of you had many friends or family other than Roxy and Bro. But there's a girl you've never seen before.

You go up to her after every thing is over. She's got these round glasses and green eyes, long brown hair and even though her face is grimly set you think how beautiful she'd look smiling. You hate to admit it, you feel like it makes your loved for Rose invalidated but when she puts her small, brown hand in yours, your heart stutters in a way that it never did for Rose.

You introduce yourself and its the first time you've spoken a week.

She grins sadly and says, "Hello, I'm Jade. Jade Harley."


End file.
